


Out Of Time

by FangirlFiles



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Hurt with no Comfort, M/M, at all, break up fic, seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 05:00:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15089543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FangirlFiles/pseuds/FangirlFiles
Summary: It's late, and Virgil is just trying to hold himself together while everything around him falls apart. Break up fic.





	Out Of Time

They were running out of time. Virgil could feel it, the heavy weight of loneliness hung in his chest, pulling him down with every breath he took. He tried so hard, tried everything that he knew how to do, to get Roman to just see him again. Something had changed. There were miles between them where there used to be only closeness, only love. He tried not to let the tears fall as he laid on his back staring at the ceiling, listening to Roman snore next to him. It was another late night of wondering and misery. What had happened? 

They had been so close, so in love once. Roman would hold him close and tell him stories of grand adventures. With every word Virgil had felt himself stepping out of the darkness that he had lived in and into the light. He felt himself climbing from the anxious, unlovable person that he felt he was and into someone more confident. That had been amazing. 

But lately, he had been falling backwards. He felt that familiar, terrifying heart pounding sensation of anxiety slipping into his being. He felt the twitch of nervous fingers and the tightness in his lungs that he thought he had left behind. All that he wanted was for Roman to hold him again and calm him with stories. He wanted to feel the warmth of another person,  _ his  _ person, but there was only a cold distance.

He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes, closing them tightly and taking a deep breath. He had to stop thinking like this. They were fine, they had to be. They had been together for so long now, it wasn’t just going to go away. It was just his anxiety talking, he told himself. Roman stirred next to him and he held his breath, wishing that he would fall back to sleep without noticing his distress.

Virgil waited, hoping to hear that snoring again from Roman’s side of the bed, but it didn’t come. He was awake. Surely he could see how upset he was, but he said nothing. Why didn’t he say anything? Virgil lowered his hands. “Are you awake?”

“Yeah,” came Roman’s reply from the darkness.

“Do you still love me?” Virgil asked quietly, surprised at himself and shaken that he had finally asked the question that had been haunting him for so long. 

Silence followed and he wished he could take it back. He wished with everything that he had that he could go back in time and remove those words from existence. Roman sighed, but said nothing. There was no taking it back, and there was no ignoring the lack of an answer either. He had to do this now. His heart pounded in his chest but otherwise he felt strangely calm. This had been coming for a long time, too long. “Well, do you?”

Roman shifted next to him, but Virgil kept his eyes on the ceiling. “I… don’t know.”

Verge took a moment to keep his voice from shaking. “What does that mean?”

“Everything changed, after we broke up the first time.”

Silence hung in the air, but Virgil was sure that his heartbeat could be heard a mile away. He felt like he was shaking, but his hands were still. “Why did you get back together with me then?”

“I wanted to try.” Roman sounded so calm. The tone of his voice made Virgil want to scream or throw up, or both. It was so uncaring, so cold. How had they gotten here? How had they lied to themselves for so long?

“Try what?”

“I wanted to try to love you.” And there it was, the truth. The painful admittance that Roman had never loved him. That this was all just a lie. Virgil closed his eyes and breathed slowly. He had nothing to say to that. He couldn’t lie it away this time. No amount of wishing could take him back. Roman sighed once more. “Did you ever love me?”

Virgil felt the anger rise in his chest but he kept his voice calm. “Of course I did. I believe in being in a relationship only if you love the person. Do you even want to be with me?”

He waited for the answer, his heart pounding more than it ever had before. He felt his blood run cold when Roman answered, “how long do I have to decide?”

“Well it shouldn’t take that long, should it?” Tears were threatening to fall but he held them in. He couldn’t let Roman see him cry, not now, not ever. He had to stay strong here, he had to hold himself together because god knows no one else was going to do it for him.

“I’ll let you know tomorrow.” He didn’t respond, not trusting his own voice. Roman finally rolled over and away from him. “Goodnight.”

Virgil rolled over as well, facing the wall and finally letting the hot tears escape. He held his breath. If he didn’t, he would be sobbing and Roman would hear him. He had to be silent. He had to fall apart alone and in the dark, next to the person who he loved but who had apparently never loved him at all. He squeezed his eyes shut and let out a painfully slow, shaky breath.

It was over. Tomorrow it would all be over.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this almost a year ago now. I think I posted it on tumblr but it got buried under other things and I never really wanted to share it. Now I finally feel ready to share. This was a vent fic, one that hurt a lot when I wrote it and still hurts to read now. But I look back on it knowing that I have grown so much since the things that lead me to write this. I am a different person now and though going through all of that was difficult, I wouldn't trade it for anything. My life is so much better now. I thank the person that hurt me for finally giving up on me, as horrible as that sounds. I'm free now.  
> Please be gentle in your critique on this one. I wrote it from deep in my heart.  
> Also, please don't think that I think of Roman this coldly. He just got the unfortunate character placement this time.


End file.
